When you just stare

I remember the moment when I caught myself staring at nothing. What was I thinking, and what was I staring at, how did it remind me of what I was think about. I ended up staring at the screen of my phone while writing this blog.
It can be a realisation, an unfolding in your life, a discovery if I say, which can change the course of your life, or just leave you confused again.
Why do we have hopes? Only to lose it again? When we know the best that it hurts and we tell others the very same, again and again. Only to get reminded by somebody that hey you're not that important to the person as much as you think. It's fine, you misunderstood and now you know. But the unveiling could be more subtle, life can be rough about it. Whatever works, works.
Staring at nothing to try to figure it all out is the most pointlessly life-changing thing there is. But when you get it, it feels heavy in your head and in your heart. It was your fault though, you messed it up. If you had a choice you'd never met yourself again. But got to live with it. There has to be someone out there who gets you, right? You're not the worst person out there. Even if you are there should be an equally worse one for you.
But you know what, that person certainly won't appear from that nothingness you are staring at.